Post Title: 011a_What I’ve noticed … redux (short)
Written Date: 31 Oct, 2015
Posted Date: 31 Oct, 2015
This really will be short. Comments (on the blog, and personal to me), but mostly my own reflections about the last post, are worth noting in this redux, but only briefly then on to writing about Africa/Namibia/Cultures, etc.
NOBODY mentioned my batik cover! Rats. Maybe it isn’t as cool as I think it is. On the other hand, I really like it, so that’s what it’s all about, right? It makes my living area seem more like Africa, me, and more like home. And if it isn’t obvious, I’m not going to quit my day job to become an interior designer.
I didn’t read my last posting for three days after posting it, and had decided it was shamelessly, and dangerously (?), self-revelatory, possibly at some people’s expense who saw themselves in my words. I now have a better feel for authors being concerned about publishing works that seem to make comments about, or base characters on, friends and family. Obviously sometimes they do. How else does a person write than from a base of their own experiences?
Having re-read it finally, I’m OK with it. Actually pretty happy with it.
The early conclusion I’ve come to is that what some people (you?) miss is that this is about me, not about you and how you see yourself in my musings.
If you feel like you are one of the close friends that exude love and acceptance, you are right. I treasure you being in my life. And you are welcome to take that personally, but it’s still about me – not you. And if you’ve told me, privately or publicly, that you miss my posts and have done it in an appreciative way, I likewise appreciate your inputs sincerely.
If you see yourself in a less flattering light, realize that I don’t hold grudges against you, or how you act, or who you are, or whether or not you wanted me to write more and how you said it. No one specific person is referred to in my writing, and in fact it may be impacted by me making stuff up in my own mind based on my (human, and imperfect) memory of what happened and how I feel about it. And it was also probably affected by my yielding to feeling a little sorry for myself (sorry for doing that publicly), and/or “crossing a line” in my own mind about how much responsibility I tend to accept for your feelings. A lot, as it turns out, and I’m not too pleased about that, about myself. I’m working on it.
Last paragraph, I promise.
Maybe I should just write and stick this in a drawer. But the choice I’ve made is to put it out there. Sometimes not all that pretty, and sometimes clumsy, and sometimes you (“dear reader”) may choose to feel personally distraught at what you see as references to you. I regret if that is uncomfortable for you. But… please bear in mind that this is about me – not a thinly veiled opportunity to tell you how you should be. This place is changing me, and I like it. Let me have that space, please. How you feel about it is up to you. Don’t be too hard on yourself, or on me. I’m OK if it makes you think, regardless of what that thinking consists of. I’m also OK with your sharing your thoughts with me, but I accept those thoughts as being about you – not me or how I should be. But even if you aren’t happy about it, I’m going to do it anyway.
THAT’S where my daughter gets that! Still, I wish she’d write. Sigh….
(postscript: I really need to work on my concept of “short”. Oh well.)